WHY IS THIS HAPPENING................

ITS TIME FOR ME TO LET IT RIPPED AGAIN....IM SO TIRED OF BULLSHIT.....AND WHY DO I LET THIS HAPPEN......ABOUT A MONTH AGO....ME AND WILL WENT TO THE DOCTORS...THAT WAS VERY UNPLEASANT...AND UPSETTING...PISSED AS FUCK...BUT IM LOST AT WORDS AND JUST DONT WANT TO GET INTO THAT JUST YET.....

THEN....LIMATIONS WERE BEING SET TO ME ON MY JOB....BASCIALLY...I WORKED FROM 7:30AM TO 6PM MON/FRI....IF I HAD DOCTORS APPOINTMENST I HAD TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE FOR FRIDAYS AND AFTER 2PM...do u really think doctors work after 2pm on fridays...SO THAT WAS LIMATIONS #1....#2 my last wk there...ONLY TV FOR TWO HOURS....WTF...#3 IF I WANTED TO TAKE THE BABY TO THE MALL OR IF I HAD AN ERRAND TO DO..SHE DIDNT WANT ME TO TAKE THE BABY OUT OF THE HOUSE AS LONG AS SHE WASNT WITH ME...mom....WELL I ANIT GOING TO WORK LIKE THIS...FOR LOW PAY AND LONG HOURS...AND I DIDNT HAVE TIME TO PICK UP MY KID FROM AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM OR TIME FOR HIS HOMEWORK..OR ALLOW HIM TO WALK HOME IN THE RAIN OR HEAT...OR TAKE HIM TO THE FOOTBALL GAME FOR SCHOOL...BUT THIS mom...DID ACTIVITIES WITH HER TO OLDEST GIRLS...AND LEAVING ME WITH THE BABY....I SEE NO TIME FOR MOMMY AND BABY...SO..I QUIT......

SO I STARTED TO PUT APPLICATIONS IN ONLINE...LOOKIN AND I REVAMPED MY CARE.COM PAGE TO FIND ANOTHER NANNY POSITION...AND NOW...IN ONE WK OF NOT WORKING...IM LETTING BE..............FUCK WITH ME...AND TREAT ME LIKE SHIT....

HOLD THE FUCK UP.....JACKASS.................

I SWEAR...THIS CHILDHOOD LOVE QUEST....I FEEL LIKE IM IN SCHOOL....AND HE BITCHIN WITH ME ON SCHOOL HOUSE SHIT..............WTF...............LAST TIME I CHECKED..I WAS 51 YRS OLD...AS HE IS.........DAMN IM GROWN...BUT THIS LITTLE BOY IS PLAYING CHILDHOOD GAMES WITH ME......OH HELL TO THE FUCK NO.................AS I SAID IN AN EARLIER BLOG...HE IS HOMELESS AT THE MINUTE....I HAVE GIVEN HIM INFO WHERE HE COULD GO...TO GET HELP AND SHELTER AND YOU KNOW...A WOMAN KNOWS ALL ABOUT THAT CRAP..AND I GAVE HIM THE INFO.....TYPICAL MAN....he dont have a clue...........SO....I WAS A FRIEND INDEED...TO HIM...I GAVE HIM MONEY FOR A PO BOX...BACK IN IL...SO HE AT LEAST HAD AN ADDRESS FOR HIS BILLS...AND TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME...AND OR HIS FAMILY....SO...............................

so much fot lovin me forever or was that alie also... THIS IS THE EMAIL I GOT THIS MORNING...FROM...BE.....OK.............

TWO DAYS GO BY HE DIDNT CALL ME...I THOUGHT OK SPACE...ON THE SECOND DAY LAST NIGHT HE CALLS ME AND IT WENT STRAIGHT TO VOICEMAIL(2)...SO I CKED MY EMAILS THIS MORNING LIKE CLOCKWORK...HE NEVER EMAILS ME...EVER....AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAID....^^^^^.....................AND THEN I GOT MY CELL...AND SAW THAT HE CALLED ME LAST NIGHT..I NEVERED CK THE PHONE TIL THIS MORNING...SO....I WENT AHEAD AND CALLED HIM...AND LEFT 4VOICEMAILS...VERY PLEASANT AND SWEET....needless to say...i yet havent gotten one voicemail where he is pleasant..he always has an attitude... HE CALLS ME....STATING WHY I LEFT 6VM...AND IF I DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO HIM...JUST SAY SO...WTF...IS WRONG WITH THIS DICK...............OMG....I LITERALLY SCREAM ON THE PHONE TO EXPLAIN...I DIDNT CK THE CELL TIL THIS MORNING AND I HUNGED UP ON HIS ASS................AND PROCEED TO A EMAIL....AND U ASSUME I DID....HOW DARE YOU....TWO DAYS GO BY AND U DIDNT CALL ME..ON THAT SECOND DAY...AT NIGHT...I DIDNT KNOW U CALLED...I DIDNT EVEN CHECK THE PHONE TIL THIS MORNING AND I HAD LISTEN TO THE MESSAGES AFTER I FIRST CHECKED MY EMAILS...U NEVER EMAIL ME...AND I READ THIS...AND EMAIL U BACKED...THEN I CHECKED THE PHONE...AND I DIDNT KNOW U CALLED ME LAST NIGHT BUT I SEE AND LISTEN TO THE VOICEMAILS...AND YES I CALLED THIS MORNING AND LEFT THE MESSAGES...EASY MISTAKE AND NOW U ... IF I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU ...I SHOULD JUST SAY SO....WHAT THE FUCK....MICHEAL STOP THIS SHIT....U ALWAYS VERY UNPLEASANT ON YOUR VOICEMAILS...I IN RETURN GIVE U SWEET KIND VOICEMAILS...AND NOW I GET MY HEAD CHEWED OFF BY YOU....AND U WONDER WHY I JUST SCREAM AT YOU AND HUNG UP......IM SO TIRED OF UGLY VOICEMAILS I DONT DISSERVE THIS...I HAVE TAKEN IT UP TIL NOW...I HAVE GONE OUT OF MY WAY FOR YOU AS BEST AS I CAN...I JUST GAVE U MONEY FOR A PO BOX...AND I GET TREATED LIKE THIS FOR YOUR BULLSHIT....I FIGURED YOU DIDNT HAVE TIME TO CALL THESE LAST TWO DAYS...SO I GAVE U SPACE...BUT NO...NOW U GOING OFF HALF COCKED....THAT I AINT LOVING YOU FOREVER...AND I LIED TO YOU....WAKE THE FUCK UP MIKE....IVE DONE NOTHING WRONG...I EVEN HAVE THE RESPECT FOR YOU NOT TO CALL YOU IN THE MORNING SINCE YOU DONT HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE...AND THATS ALL I WANT TO DO..CUZ IM WORRIED ABOUT YOU...THANKS MIKE...THANKS FOR EVERYTHING...U SURE KNOW HOW TO HURT A GIRLS FEELINGS....    

SO THATS MY DAY FOR 2DAY....LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE PEOPLE...STOP THIS BULLSHIT....IM TIRED OF BEING NICE...TIME FOR ME TO ..................................WELL U DONT WANT TO ASK ME RIGHT ABOUT NOW..IM WILLING TO SAY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT AND IT ANIT PRETTY.............................WHATEVA...MICHEAL...

crap...........

its day 6..in october...and i just realized that im on year four of my blogs...well this blog....a book in the making..........i have a few things to get off my chest....but....i stewing.....so give me a second....i get at it....later..im out