just posted some on my webpages.........

just got to jaz's page...and i added more to the story..... it really sucks that im putting it out there about my daughter...my life and or what happen in the past...but i want others to know im not the only one out there with problems...there are familys out there with the same problems....i will someday put this to a book... someway....i been bloggin alone on me for the last three years...and i faithfully write a love letters to the grandchildren...so they know that granny thought about them everyday..........and im letting go of the bs that happen when i was a kid......so read on.....all sites at linked together from here to fb and to all my blogs im writing on....hoping im know which blog im on and make sure im not making mistakes and bloggin 4 blogs at one time.............im out for a minute...sweets............

whats crackin............and lackin................

wkend....and tired and bored...and wondering what to do about gettin some sleep.....wish there was some sleep studies..........think i will look on monday.....i got to do something...im feelin icky..............gunny has to his cruzifier this wk at church...........so anywho.......im out...sweets

MY ERNESTO....MAKES ME LAUGH.........

BY BABY CALLED  ME YESTERDAY LAST NIGHT...I TOLD HIM...AND HE KNOWS IM GOING THREW MEN-A-PAUSE...........LOL.....I SHARED WITH MY KID I HAVENT HAD A THINGY FOR A WHOLE YEAR TIL JAN 7-2011........GREAT....NOW THREE WKS LATER IM HAVING CRAMPS LIKE I WAS IN MY 20'S AND THE TA TA'S HURT...THIS BOY...MY SON...ARE U SURE U ANIT PREGANT....OMG..............HELL NO...THAT DONT HAPPEN HERE...LOL.....HE CRACKS ME UP...............TELLS ME HIM GOING TO HAVE BABYS WHEN HE GETS OUT...........AND WANTS ME TO MOVE TO OCALA....I MAY DO THAT....AFTER GUNNY GRADUATES FROM LAKELAND SR...BUT....I HATE THIS CRAP IM GOING THREW....NOW THIS..................SO....I NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING....CUZ I NEED SOME S L E E P.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,HELP

TO SLEEP.....HOW I LONG FOR THAT.............

SINCE 2008 IVE BEEN SLEEPLESS........DOESNT HELP IM GOING THRU MEN A PAUSE...LOL........ BUT FOR 3YEARS IVE BEEN TRYIN TO GET THAT SLEEP BACK...THEY HAD  ME ON SERQUEL 300MG....OK. XANNX AT 10MG AND AMIBEIN AT 10MG...SO I VE BEEN TAKING IT THIS LONG...BUT FOR THE LAST YEAR....I VE BEEN NOTICING MY MEDS ANIT WORKING...PLUS CHANGING DRS(FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER BASED ON THE INCOME) OR ADDING A DR OUT OF POCKET...SO THIS LAST YEAR FOR THE LAST 9MONTHS THIS OUTTA POCKET DR...GIVES ME THE MEDS...BUT...TUESDAY THIS WK...SCRAPPING THE MONEY TO SEE HIM...HE CHANGES MY MEDS...ONE HE TOOK THE XANNX AWAY...(WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT OK..ONE LESS CONTROL SUBSTANCE TO WORK WITH) I WAS UPSET BUT...OK I CAN DEAL...AFTER I STEWED FOR TWO DAYS...AND HE GAVE ME THE AMIBEIN AND THE SERQUEL..BUT HE TELLS ME TO HALF IT...ON THE SERQUEL....OMGF..WTH....WTF......IM SCREW BLUED AND TATTOED........

NOW IM BEING TRUTHFUL HERE WHAT IM ABOUT TO TELL YOU.... I DO UNDERSTAND I SHOULDNT DO THIS AND I KNOW ITS WRONG....BUT...I ONE...HAVE GONE TO THIS OUT OF POCKET DR AND I WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE...MEANING I HAVE NO MEDS...BASICALLY WHEN I KNOW ITS TIME TO SEE HIM.. I START HALFIN THE MEDS...CUZ I PANIC THAT IM GOING TO RUN OUT OF  THE MEDS AND THEN IT TAKES ALMOST 3WKS BEFORE I GET THE MEDS THRU THE MAIL ORDER SERVICE....SO IM PLAYIN THIS STUPID GAME...IT GETS BETTER....HOW ABOUT I STARTED DOULBLEING  UP ON THE SERQUEL OR SWITCH OUT TO DOUBLE THE AMIBEIN AND THE XANNX.. CUZ I WANT TO SLEEP...WELL HERE IS THE KICKER TWO WKS AGO I STARTED DRINKIN A 1/4 OF CUP OF GOOD QUALITY VODKA WITH THE MEDS...SO I CAN SLEEP......YES I KNOW IM WRONG IN DOING THIS...I MEAN WHAT IS THERE TO DO...NO INSURANCE GOING TO THESE DRS...WHO DONT GIVE U THE BEST CARE...CUZ ITS BASE ON THE INCOME.. AND IM GOING TO A OUTTA POCKET DR PAYING 75.00 A POP AND HE CHANGES EVERYTHING....

HE TELLS ME IM ON TO MANY MEDS...I HAVE TO TAKE BP AND CHLOLESTOROL AND DIABETES MEDS...AND I WAS ON 3 CONTROL SUBSTANCES...IF I ADDED IT ALL UP THATS 11 PILLS ...SO NOW...NO XANNX OK...IM GOING TO GO THRU WITHDRAWAL NOW WITH THE SERQUEL AND AMBIEN ...SO I CAN TAKE HALF A SERQUEL TO SLEEP WITH THE AMBIEN.,...IF I TOOK 300MS FOR THREE YEARS WHY IS A HALF (150MG) GOING TO GET ME TO SLEEP...IF I STOP ALL TOGETHER WITH THESE CONTROL SUBSTANCES THEN I WILL NOT SLEEP...MY BODY LETS ME KNOW THATS ITS NOT RESTING AND I SHAKE ON THE INSIDE AND FEEL I WILL COLLAPSE IF I DONT SLEEP...I MEAN I BEEN PLAYING THIS WAY FOR THREE YEARS...THEY THE DRS ANIT LISTENING TO ME...ABOUT IM NOT GETTING SLEEP HERE...BUT ON THE OTHER HAND DO I NEED TO BE ON THESE CONTROL SUBSTANCES...I BLOG TO GET THINGS OUT ...THE GOOD THE BAD THE UGLY...THE FUN THE DISAPPOINTMENTS...OK....I SEE A THERAPIST ONCE A MONTH SO I HAVE THAT...BEEN DOING THAT SINCE 92....SO DO I SUFFER WITH NO SLEEP...OR TAKE THE MEDS.. LIKE PRESCRIBE OR JUST KEEL OVER.......I HATE TO SAY IM DOING THIS...BUT...IVE WATCHED CELEB REHALB AND I UNDERSTAND...IT....AND IM IN THAT CATORGORY OF TAKING CONTROL SUBSTANCES...IM NOT A DRINKER...NEVER HAVE BEEN  AND I HAVE AN ALKIE DAUGHTER....IT HAS CROSS MY MIND..,.DO I DRINK AND BECOME A ALKIE...BUT I SEE THAT MY DAUGHTER MY FATHER AND MY SON ERNESTO DAD ARE ALKIES. AND I WONT GO THERE...IM A CAUSAL DRINKER  AT LEAST A HALF A DOZEN TIMES A YEAR WHEN I GO TO CHILIS...

SO IM SCREWED...AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...AND IF I GIVE UP ON THESE MEDS...FOR SLEEP/DEPRESSION/MANIC/STRESS/ANIXETY..IM F UP....DID I JUST LET YOU KNOW MY DEEP DARK PROBLEM....

WHAT TO DO..........

just watched this movie....

damn it ............its a tear jerker............and the ending was a mother dancing with her son....i want more than that .............i want ERNESTO AND GUNTHER TO DANCE WITH ME....before i leave this earth...........either on my renewal wedding day.... or something...........fallin apart as i type this....damn it..stop cryin bonnie...get a grip............

♥JACK♥

looky what mommy did.................dedicated kit kat................

FEELIN GOOD.......

TRYING TO KEEP HER IN THE BOX.... I WENT TO GO GET JACKS TAGS FROM THE COUNTY....CK......GOT A COPY OF MY BLOOD WORK FROM THE DR...TO TAKE TO ANOTHER DR TO GET MY SLEEPING MEDS...CK........GO TO THE DRS 2MORROW...CK...GUNNY GOES BACK TO SCHOOL 2MORROW ....CK...THEY OFF 2DAY...CK...ERNESTO CALLED ME YESTERDAY...CK...AND I WAITIN ON A CALL FOR A JOB PROSPECT......FOR A NANNY POSITION.....CK.....SO LETS MAKE IT A GOOD DAY....CK......

JACK AGEE IS LEGAL

WOOHOO..............WE LOVE U JACK....YOU CRAZY CAT

Whitesnake - Here I Go Again

STOP MY MAIN MUSIC AND CLICK ON WHITESNAKE