PART 2..........scroll down to read PART 1

i go see my therapist on tuesday...and WEDNESDAY TIL EASTER SUNDAY IM GOING HOME TO CHICAGO....WOOHOO...i need time to think...rethink everything...try to get past of 40+yrs of pain.......melly mac foster mom...gave me her name and cell#so i can call once a wk to say i love you to melly mac(just said hey to my grandson and TELL him i loved him he going to winsonsin for a month...)falling again into my cryin...this foster mother is 55 she takin care of mac man...and act of kindness to give me her name and number so i can keep in touch...and i anit going to abuse that doing every min phone calls..now if this dcf agency could get me phone calls for the girls 3 times a wk...cuz the girls can carry on a conversation...that would be great...NOW...THIS IS HARD WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY.....melly mac turns one on 5/29..would like to have a big #1 birthday party w/ all the grands...i am going to email the case mgr...monday...to tell her let this month go by of me seeing the girls every 2 wks..(hoping for phone calls to be replace)..while melly is away til 4/30....let the birthday happen....but i may request once a month visits..starting in june....i cant take the pain or the heartache of not having my grands...seeing them 2 times month for 2 hrs..after i went thru court..ive been thinkin...this is jasmine MESS...not mind...everything was going as plan 5yrs ago...until jaz had her children..she milked me dry..put me thru hell and back..and i kicked her out 1000 times over w/kids...lettin her back into my life and raising havic all the time....for 5 years....thats not fare to my hubby or my son....or ME.....i sit here and think she has put me thru so much shit + adding 40yrs of pain...COME ON BONNIE...WAKE THE F*** UP......im tired...im helpless and hopeless at this pt...why go thru this...i may know god gave them to me..a few times....but will it happen again..YES...i know my daughter... I TOLD YOU SO...WILL HAPPEN...so im taking the back seat on this issue..and letting go...i have to write a letter to jasmine and say enough....i may not be there for you and the babies while she goin thru her MESS...BUT ...IT ANIT MY MESS...god...i didnt do dumb shit when i had my youngins..i took care of them becuz i am responsable mother..more ever then the two mothers i was given in life...so...im coming home to see friends..have fun..go into the city and do the museums and think what i want to do these next few years...i want to enjoy gunny 4 yrs of high school..be a soccer mom type...for a min...do for him...since i got a second chance in life 15 yrs ago...the two adult children is...YOUR PASS DUED.....IM DONE...IM OUT.....im mad at god at the moment..but i will come around....but....right now...its ME TIME.....slow down and relax without havic bs..from grown adults that mom keeps fallin under there SPELL...LATER...SWEETS..IM OUT

IN A MINUTE...I WILL VOICE MYSELF....NEED A SEC.....IT ANIT PRETTY

i dont know why its 5days later to blog..what i need to say...im very devistated..beyond this ordeal...all this wk i have let 40+ years of emotional pain hit me..and hit me hard...crying at different pts..trying to figure out what i need to do..but im piss as F*** right now.....court time reserved for an hour lasted 3 1/2 hours...the girls father showed up...(needless to say this lyin freak who owes 10.000.00(child support) to the state of fla for my grandbabies tells the judge he has his own buiness...yeah his daddy not him...)jasmine and fatboy were in there..fatboy did knowledge he wanted me to have the babies in my care....so when it was my turn to go in the court...i was asked about my job...my mental status, my relationship w/ the daughter(didnt go into detail at all)just how we came to and understanding a few months ago....my husband mental status.. how old was my son and has he been in trouble w/ the juvinle department....(no) gunther knows i ...lets not go there....i answered question from jasmine lawyer, my lawyer, gaurdian litem, dcf lawyer...i thought things were going well...the judge did ask why and whats this granny mode/mommy mode shit was...i bascially said i would do anything to protect my family..well...mr sean kenny had to testify next...wow...since i wasnt aloud in there...jasmine told me her lawyer and my lawyer double team his ass.. and all his questions were i dont recall...OMG....F/EN LIAR ALERT.....so i feel i spoke the truth...and dcf came up w/ i dont recall...WTF....LIARS OVER TRUTH...VERY INTERRESTING....they never got to my boss...and the judge ruled...that he dont want the children bouncing around from place to place..like me/foster care/ jasmine...jaz has to do a case plan when she gets out of rehalb and go to a half way house to do at least 6months of transition of things she needs to do in order to get the kids back and if the judge allow it..if she doing good....OK...HERE IS ME GOING OFF.......my lawyer...tells me hey it maybe about 60days from now..that jaz will get the kids...get dcf out of your lifes..and you can get the kids back....ok...this BITCH...CANT SEE..the whole picture...it will be 6/9months from now that jaz will ever get the kids back..ok..(which includes she has a place to stay paying rent and holding down a job).....i had written a second email to him..stating this.....ok..when i was at the court house..and a phone call that wednesday night...(email#1) i got snowed ball by this ass...tellin me to do nothing..just settle down...(off the track for a second)...this dcf lawyer asked me questions like do i spank the kids on my job...i had to look at him and repeat the question..OMG..I HAVE WORKED THERE FOR 7 YEARS..IN MY TESTIMONY I STATED I TOOK A CHILD ABUSE CLASS FOR MY JOB...HELLO...ASKED ME IF I WOULD SPANK MY GRANDCHILDREN.. OLD FASHION...BUT MOSTLY I TALK TO THEM AND MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THE RIGHT WAY AND NOT THE WRONG WAY..IT HURT ME THAT THEY ASK ABOUT MY HUSBAND MENTAL STATUS..SAID WHAT I SAID AND JUST SAID HE A HARD WORKING MAN....WHEN THEY QUESTION MY MENTAL STATUS..THEY SOMEHOW USED IT AGAINST ME..DCF..(a sean kenny lie when he question me in 10/09)..that ive been in therapy since 92 til the present..asked how many of hours of sleep i get cuz i am on ambiem..(and i told the judge&(dcf) sorry goin thru the change)...do i see dr hull..yes..cuz the church provides my therapy..for now...for all this and a lawyer...i lost my grandchildren...cryin again..(now)...i asked my lawyer...the what if question and or if jasmine screws up will i get the grandbabies..mostly like the court would agree to give them to me..permantly...when who knows...im so pissed off and hurt......part 2....