PART 2..........scroll down to read PART 1

i go see my therapist on tuesday...and WEDNESDAY TIL EASTER SUNDAY IM GOING HOME TO CHICAGO....WOOHOO...i need time to think...rethink everything...try to get past of 40+yrs of pain.......melly mac foster mom...gave me her name and cell#so i can call once a wk to say i love you to melly mac(just said hey to my grandson and TELL him i loved him he going to winsonsin for a month...)falling again into my cryin...this foster mother is 55 she takin care of mac man...and act of kindness to give me her name and number so i can keep in touch...and i anit going to abuse that doing every min phone calls..now if this dcf agency could get me phone calls for the girls 3 times a wk...cuz the girls can carry on a conversation...that would be great...NOW...THIS IS HARD WHAT IM ABOUT TO SAY.....melly mac turns one on 5/29..would like to have a big #1 birthday party w/ all the grands...i am going to email the case mgr...monday...to tell her let this month go by of me seeing the girls every 2 wks..(hoping for phone calls to be replace)..while melly is away til 4/30....let the birthday happen....but i may request once a month visits..starting in june....i cant take the pain or the heartache of not having my grands...seeing them 2 times month for 2 hrs..after i went thru court..ive been thinkin...this is jasmine MESS...not mind...everything was going as plan 5yrs ago...until jaz had her children..she milked me dry..put me thru hell and back..and i kicked her out 1000 times over w/kids...lettin her back into my life and raising havic all the time....for 5 years....thats not fare to my hubby or my son....or ME.....i sit here and think she has put me thru so much shit + adding 40yrs of pain...COME ON BONNIE...WAKE THE F*** UP......im tired...im helpless and hopeless at this pt...why go thru this...i may know god gave them to me..a few times....but will it happen again..YES...i know my daughter... I TOLD YOU SO...WILL HAPPEN...so im taking the back seat on this issue..and letting go...i have to write a letter to jasmine and say enough....i may not be there for you and the babies while she goin thru her MESS...BUT ...IT ANIT MY MESS...god...i didnt do dumb shit when i had my youngins..i took care of them becuz i am responsable mother..more ever then the two mothers i was given in life...so...im coming home to see friends..have fun..go into the city and do the museums and think what i want to do these next few years...i want to enjoy gunny 4 yrs of high school..be a soccer mom type...for a min...do for him...since i got a second chance in life 15 yrs ago...the two adult children is...YOUR PASS DUED.....IM DONE...IM OUT.....im mad at god at the moment..but i will come around....but....right now...its ME TIME.....slow down and relax without havic bs..from grown adults that mom keeps fallin under there SPELL...LATER...SWEETS..IM OUT