IN A MINUTE...I WILL VOICE MYSELF....NEED A SEC.....IT ANIT PRETTY

i dont know why its 5days later to blog..what i need to say...im very devistated..beyond this ordeal...all this wk i have let 40+ years of emotional pain hit me..and hit me hard...crying at different pts..trying to figure out what i need to do..but im piss as F*** right now.....court time reserved for an hour lasted 3 1/2 hours...the girls father showed up...(needless to say this lyin freak who owes 10.000.00(child support) to the state of fla for my grandbabies tells the judge he has his own buiness...yeah his daddy not him...)jasmine and fatboy were in there..fatboy did knowledge he wanted me to have the babies in my care....so when it was my turn to go in the court...i was asked about my job...my mental status, my relationship w/ the daughter(didnt go into detail at all)just how we came to and understanding a few months ago....my husband mental status.. how old was my son and has he been in trouble w/ the juvinle department....(no) gunther knows i ...lets not go there....i answered question from jasmine lawyer, my lawyer, gaurdian litem, dcf lawyer...i thought things were going well...the judge did ask why and whats this granny mode/mommy mode shit was...i bascially said i would do anything to protect my family..well...mr sean kenny had to testify next...wow...since i wasnt aloud in there...jasmine told me her lawyer and my lawyer double team his ass.. and all his questions were i dont recall...OMG....F/EN LIAR ALERT.....so i feel i spoke the truth...and dcf came up w/ i dont recall...WTF....LIARS OVER TRUTH...VERY INTERRESTING....they never got to my boss...and the judge ruled...that he dont want the children bouncing around from place to place..like me/foster care/ jasmine...jaz has to do a case plan when she gets out of rehalb and go to a half way house to do at least 6months of transition of things she needs to do in order to get the kids back and if the judge allow it..if she doing good....OK...HERE IS ME GOING OFF.......my lawyer...tells me hey it maybe about 60days from now..that jaz will get the kids...get dcf out of your lifes..and you can get the kids back....ok...this BITCH...CANT SEE..the whole picture...it will be 6/9months from now that jaz will ever get the kids back..ok..(which includes she has a place to stay paying rent and holding down a job).....i had written a second email to him..stating this.....ok..when i was at the court house..and a phone call that wednesday night...(email#1) i got snowed ball by this ass...tellin me to do nothing..just settle down...(off the track for a second)...this dcf lawyer asked me questions like do i spank the kids on my job...i had to look at him and repeat the question..OMG..I HAVE WORKED THERE FOR 7 YEARS..IN MY TESTIMONY I STATED I TOOK A CHILD ABUSE CLASS FOR MY JOB...HELLO...ASKED ME IF I WOULD SPANK MY GRANDCHILDREN.. OLD FASHION...BUT MOSTLY I TALK TO THEM AND MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THE RIGHT WAY AND NOT THE WRONG WAY..IT HURT ME THAT THEY ASK ABOUT MY HUSBAND MENTAL STATUS..SAID WHAT I SAID AND JUST SAID HE A HARD WORKING MAN....WHEN THEY QUESTION MY MENTAL STATUS..THEY SOMEHOW USED IT AGAINST ME..DCF..(a sean kenny lie when he question me in 10/09)..that ive been in therapy since 92 til the present..asked how many of hours of sleep i get cuz i am on ambiem..(and i told the judge&(dcf) sorry goin thru the change)...do i see dr hull..yes..cuz the church provides my therapy..for now...for all this and a lawyer...i lost my grandchildren...cryin again..(now)...i asked my lawyer...the what if question and or if jasmine screws up will i get the grandbabies..mostly like the court would agree to give them to me..permantly...when who knows...im so pissed off and hurt......part 2....