wow..........last night was..............

was a good night...be called me...i had left a message earlier in the night...so we had a good hour on the phone...i just had to have that moment to talk about im going thru...and what i will do for him...when that times happens...i really do love him...i told him...last night..i was in love with him...when i worked with him...at burger king...in the late 1970's..so these adult phone convos...is what i need just now....GET OVER IT...READERS...if u are wondering...i still love my hubby...but....be makes me smile...thats what i need...gee us im going to hell......WHATEVA...........im sweets....i do what the fqck i want..................LOL.........

sweet be.............

wanted some .coms...........so i gave some out....................ok.........i can do that.....and i gave be a encouragement letter and a chuckle to go along with it............love u be.............always bon bon....

i lost 10 lbs..........

i lost 10 lbs...and yesterday...i bought me a spanx body shaper...at lane byrants....a small one at that...to start controlling my body...to the shape i want it...makes me look smaller....30 years ago..i did that gurdle thingy....and i lost weight after having jasmine...so i figure...i will try that again...and bought the body shaper....gee us...i let 20 plus years without losing the weight....after having my sons... i owe myself and my sons...to look like a skinner mommy............so...here i go here i go....i guess i will wear my dresses now....since its a chore to use the bathroom....lol............the art of taking care of your figure......lol..............im out .........later............sweets checking out...............

misc..stuff

well im really love being a nanny.....since the girls are out for school....we done a few things...like....making homemade bird house....doing little arts and crafts thingys.....sometimes...the oldest girl will make her bed...the little one helps me in the bathroom....and i showed them how to mop the floors....but today...the little one who is four...just her and i we did cupcakes.....love it.....she did so good....we made them green/blue...sprinkled sprinkles in them....and going to frost them in a minute....pics up in min.....her older sister who is six is at sewing camp....during the morning hours...the baby....she is the sweetest boo boo in the world....yesterday i felt the first tooth coming...had to text her mommy...of the news......so im loving my nanny job....its the best...im glad i left the church program...the fax ness of  people are unreal....and waited and struggle for four months to find this nanny position....care.com...if  u looking for a nanny in your area....well im sweets and im out.....later.............

daydreaming...........

i could be..........laughing...talking bs about everything and anything....but i like it....i want it....im going after it...im going to get it............in time.........a cruise is in the making.....

again.....REALLY...................

PLEASE..........OK...SO IT STARTED WITH A PHONE VM...ON MY CELL..WK LATER SHE CALLED ME...I LISTENED...AND WASNT NEGATIVE...TWO DAYS LATER..SHE CALLS TELLS ME I CAN TAKE THE GIRLS EVERY WKEND...SO THATS HOW I TOOK THE GIRLS TO DAYTONA...WHEN I DROPPED THEM OFF I GOT TO SEE MELLY MAC...AND I LISTEN AGAIN...SHE ASKED ME TO GET THE GIRLS UNIFORM SHIRTS FOR THE GIRLS....AND BEADS FOR THERE HAIR...AND KEPT ASKING ME TO GO TO MICKEY DS FOR FOOD....AS I LEFT...SHE GOES MA..I MAKING A BACK UP PLAN...TO LEAVE...AS I WAS THERE..I TOLD HER...THAT ONE SHE COULD NEVER EVER LIVE WITH ME...AND DONT DISREPECT OR CUSS OR HIT ME....THE ONLY TWO RULES I GAVE HER....SO...

I WAS TO PICK UP THE GIRLS YESTERDAY.... SHE CALLS ME LIKE AT 4:15...(I SAID BE 6PM I WOULD GET THEM...) SO SHE TELLS ME...ONE EVERY OTHER WKEND WITH THE GIRLS(NO VISIT WITH MELLY.SHE WANTS TO BOND WITH HIM..I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT AND ACCEPT THAT)...SHE COULDNT COME ON SUNDAY TO VISIT WITH ME BECUZ...SHE TELLS ME..I HAVE TO GO TO LIGHTHOUSE AND HAVE A SAFETY MEETING WITH THEM...IN ORDER FOR HER TO HAVE HOME VISITS WITH ME...(HER AND MELLY) AND TELLS ME....THAT SHE JUST GAVE A PERM ON KEKE S HEAD AND STRAIGHTEN HER HAIR....SO..............

DUMB ASS HERE... ME......WENT RIGHT BACK TO DEFENSE MODE.....ONE....KNOWING JAZ...SHE MADE ME THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH AT LIGHTHOUSE....CUZ THEY KNOW ABOUT OUR CHAOS RELATIONSHIP...TWO..SHE IS INTERNING AND GETTIN ON THE JOB TRAINING...BUT...SHE MAKING NO MONEY...SO IF THEY TAKING CARE OF HER...AND THE KIDS...SO HOW DOES SHE GET DIAPERS FOR MELLY...AND KEKE GOT HER HAIR DONE...WELL SHE CAN GET UNIFORMS TOPS FOR THE GIRLS..AND WHAT EVER ELSE...I ANIT AND NOR IS IT MY RESPONDABILITY TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILDREN..I BEEN THERE DONE THAT...WHY WOULD I BE SUBJECT TO A SAFETY MEETING....ON OUR RELATIONSHIP...FUCK THAT...IVE EARNED MY KEEP ON THIS EARTH...AND THAT...(SHE ) HASNT.....SO..I DIDNT PICK UP THE GIRLS..I MADE SOME EXCUSE ON THERE VM AT LIGHTHOUSE...SHE DIDNT GET THE MESSAGE...AND SHE TELLS ME ON MY VM..SO U HAVING A HISSY FIT...AND U WILL NOT SEE THE KIDS EVER AGAIN...SO..I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN...IM BACK AT MAKING THE CHOICE TO STEPP BACK..LIKE I BEEN DOING...AND THESE LAST TWO WKS OF CHAOS IS OVER....MY OPINION KEL...IS IF SHE IS SCHEMING AGAIN...THATS THE OLD JAZ....I KNEW SHE WOULD DO WHAT EVER IT TOOK TO GET THE KIDS BACK...AND WORK THE SYSTEM...BECUZ..SHE IS ITCHING TO GET BACK ON THE STREETS..FOR WHAT EVER.....AND INCLUDING...DRINKING AND DICK.......SO I WILL JUST SIT BACK...AND GOD FORBID MY KIDS GO BACK TO FOSTERCARE...I WANT THEM ...BUT DONT KNOW HOW TO GET THEM BACK...LIKE I SAID ..AND WE ALL KNOW..THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN...

i had message a friend of mine....to express what didnt happen...and i didnt have the granddaughters this wkend....cuz....i feel i have let chaos happen these last 2wks...and its just the start...so...i back in my FUCK THAT SHIT....dont have time for her....her kids...her life...she will WILL FUCK IT UP.... and i will sit back and watch from the sidelines....but then again....i am a mommy.....and she may be 30yrs old...shit i will do a casey anthony on her ass and pled guilty and save tax payers money and go to big girl prison....lol... DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD....LOL WHATEVA......I WANT TO BE A GRANDMOTHER....NOT A MAMA TO HER...im cuttin the rope....done...nada...jack...and somebody and use that rope to hang my ass or hit me along side of the head....shit...JUST KICK MY ASS PLEASE................not falling for the 30yr old daughter.....shit she been running THE STREETS since 13...leave ME OUT OF IT....REALLY.........................SWEETS OUT..............

GOTTA GET BACK TO BLOGGIN...............

ADJUSTED SOME OF MY WEBSITE HERE ON BLOGGER....ADDED PICS AND SUCH....KEEPING UP WITH THE LOVE LETTERS TO THE GRANDBABIES....TRYING TO GET MY THREE THE MAJIC NUMBER BLOG GOING...BEEN NELGECTING THAT PAGE....AND TRYING TO KEEP UPDATES HERE ON BUTTERBALL BABYS PAGE...........THEY ARE ALL LINKED...SO HIT THEM UP....SWEETS...